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How can people possibly be born gay? And not have chosen to be gay?
I am a straight man, who is trying to gain a higher understanding of gay people, because there are so many things that just do not make sense to me. Recently I just found out that most gay people seem to believe that gays are born that way, rather than choose to be that way. But I'm wondering how that can be possible? Some questions in particular

1. How can someone possibly be born gay? Since gayness is a behavior. Its not like being born with blue eyes, or dark skin, or something genetic like that. Behaviors are learned. People pick up good habbits, bad habbits, learn to have different sorts of attitudes. A robber isn't born a robber, he learns to be. A writer isn't born a writer, he learns it. So since being gay is a behavior, rather than something physical, how can you possibly be born with it?

2. There are so many indicators that being gay is unnatural, but few that say its natural. Gays seem to try and say that its natural, because some animals do it. But how does that make any sense at all? Since animals aren't necessarily gay, they are just too dumb to know any better. Look at a dog for example, dogs hump your leg, they hump stuffed animals, they hump the floor, they hump other dogs heads, they just hump everything, so if a dog humps another male, its not because the dog is gay, he's just a straight dog that was too stupid to know any better and accidentally humped another male dog.

3. Don't a lot of people become gay after being molested? I met a gay guy about 10 years ago, and people told me that's why he became gay, was he was molested. So although I'm sure they didn't choose to be molested, its still a choice to become gay right, because they weren't born that way and weren't gay before they were molested.

4. Is it possible that some gay people just think are gay because they simply are not able to get any action from the other sex? Like a guy who simply wanted to get layed by women, but never could get one in bed, and was a virgin for so long that he started sleeping with guys?

5. Similar to above, Perhaps lots of gays are actually straight, they just don't know it because they never had the chance to be straight?

6. Is it possible that some gay people aren't actually gay, they are just too lazy to be straight? Kind of like fat people for example. Now sure, there is a very small percentage of fat people who do have some sort of condition, and sure genetics do affect metabolism making it easier for some and harder for others...but still 95% of fat people are that way because they are too lazy to exercise and eat proper. Of course they all want to have some sort of excuse why thats not the case, but the bottom line is the vast majority of fat people are simply too lazy to not be fat. Is it possible that maybe many gay people aren't actually born gay, but are simply too lazy to try and not be gay? And saying they were born gay is just an excuse rather than the truth?

7. Isn't it possible that many people are not born gay, but rather are simply confused? Perhaps a woman has been walked over by too many men, and because all the ones she met treated her bad, she just thinks that she doesn't like men. And when she becomes friends with a girl, and really they are just best friends, perhaps she confuses it for love since the girl was nicer to her than the guys? But in reality she is straight, and would like guys even better than her lesbian lover, she just never gave a chance to meet that right guy that is nice to her? Perhaps a lot of gays confuse friendship for love, because they never experienced straight love?
Read
www.guardian.co.uk/world/2008/dec…

This homophobic view is now outdated.
Why am I so reluctant to come out as a lesbian?
Please bear with me, this is long, but I need advice. I'm sixteen, by the way.

Ever since late elementary school, I've been infatuated with females, specifically older women. These women range in age, but have usually always been between the ages of 25 and 40.

It was only last year, though, that I really felt as though I was "in love" with one of my teachers, and I started to realize that everything before that had been very innocent. None of it was anything to compared to my feelings for the woman I met my sophomore year, who is now a good friend of mine. Despite our becoming friends, I still get nervous around her at times because of her beauty and charm, but in all honesty she is one of the greatest people I have ever met in my life. I've never met someone so free and open. I'm not guyding when I say she doesn't even act like a teacher, yet still maintains the same guidance over her class as someone more conforming to the traditional teacher role.

Ever since the second day of school last year I felt drawn to her: first to her looks, because she was so naturally beautiful without makeup, and very soon after her personality. You might think it was lust, and at first it might've been, but what really made me love her was her attitude toward the world and to others. I can't even describe it, but if you met her, you'd know. Her spirit is contagious, and every time I'm near her I feel so enlightened by her. When I see her in the hallways my stomach turns cold with pleasure and nervousness, and at times I'm so taken by her that I don't know what to say or how to act. She's always understood, though, and loved me for who I am, and part of me wonders if she's always known how I've felt about her. No doubt I've made it obvious enough. When school ended last year, I remember sobbing because she wouldn't be my teacher anymore and I loved her so much. It's all turned out for the best, because now she and I are friends and can talk about anything with each other, but I'm almost embarrassed to remember how depressed I was over the summer. I felt deprived of a life source, a light in my life. I wrote furious things in my journal and cried many days, empty and broken inside.

People like this are never just "good role models" in my life. I didn't see her as just a friend, or just a maternal figure; I had this yearning to be with her, and to love her as a lover would. It was the most intense feeling I ever had in my life. Sometimes I thought it was evident in my actions, as I am more physical with her than with other people (she is too). Whenever we hug or touch in some way I never want the feeling to end, and later I recreate the situation in my head for pleasure. It sort of shames me to say this, but I've imagined her naked more times than is appropriate. She has the most beautiful body I've ever seen, but she's modest about it, and I've thought about how much I'd want to have sex with her if I could. Obviously that's an impossibility, I'm well-aware, and anyway, she's been happily married for five years. That doesn't stop me from wishing I could have her, though, or someone else older than me like her. I've been planning on talking to her about this, because she'll listen, but it's hard because of confusion.

In a more general sense, I'm extremely attracted to the female body, particularly breasts, and I'm actually repulsed by the idea of having sex with men. I don't think I've ever had a male crush in my life, though I used to force myself to say that a certain boy was "cute" just because everyone else around me seemed attracted. Whenever my friends talk about "hot" guys, I get uncomfortable and never have an answer when they ask who I like. I've also always been attracted to female figures in media and never males, though this is more physical/sexual attraction than emotional. And for a while I liked the idea of having a boyfriend, but now I realize that it was never something I really wanted, just something that was forced on me. I only ever fantasize about women.

But even knowing all of that about myself, and experiencing such passionate and desperate feelings, I still feel so confused about all of this. I think that's normal, but I still don't know what to do about it. Part of me can't wait to get to college so I can scope out the older women, because everyone in my school is so immature. Though everything points to my being a lesbian, I would feel strange embracing it because of the negativity around me. It feels like if I came out I'd be eliminating all other options, which is maybe what I want, but I don't know! Does it sound as though I'm gay? Only I can know, but why am I being like this? Why am I so confused about my feelings and what I want? Any advice is welcome! Thank you.
If I had to base my response off of what you have just told me I would say that you are indeed a lesbian.

But you need to know there isn't anything wrong with that. you are perfectly normal. we are all human beings, and how you feel about another human being is all that matters. gender, race, ethnicity, none of that matters. all that matters is how you feel about that person. be proud of who you are and don't allow others opinion of you become your opinion of yourself.

People will talk, so what?

If they find you being who you are and being proud to stand up and say you are who you are as a negative thing, then they are the ones with the problem. NOT YOU. At some point you have to muster the inner strength to say "THIS IS ME AND I DON'T CARE WHAT THE WORLD THINKS OF ME, I AM WHO I AM AND THAT MAY NOT BE ENOUGH FOR YOU BUT ITS ENOUGH FOR ME.."

and thats all that matters:)

listen to your mind, then listen to your heart. and in this case, let your heart give the final say as to whether you are lesbian or not because in the end it is about how YOU feel.

good luck♥x

-denmark
Have do I fall out of love with a wife who needs help I cant give?
I am a 48 year old man in my second marriage. First marriage ended badly after wife cheated. I married again and after several years of great marriage, the cheating began again with the second wife. I forgave and we seemed to move on. Fast forward 10 years and wife becomes someone I don't know anymore. Drinking, partying and running the roads. Quits and looses every job, putting us near bankruptcy and we lost our house. She blames her guy hood, being molested several times in her youth, a violent step father who beat her and her siblings. We have been separated many times and she always comes back telling me things will be better but it only lasts a few days before she treats me poorly and refuses intimacy. She still talks to her boyfriend even though I asked her to stop. She still has a relationship with her lesbian lover even though I asked her to stop. A girlfriend of hers gave me a list that my wife made of men she has been with. There are at least 12 since we have been married. some while we were together, some while separated. When I approach her about her behavior, she becomes violent, slicing my tires and such. Last weekend she got arrested, drunk in public. She became violent with a paramedic who tried to take her blood pressure. She hit me several times, she hit her brother and scratched his face badly. She says she doesn't remember any of it. She says she is dong the best she can and that being there, even if emotionally and physically distant should be proof to me that she is working on the marriage. She says she knows what she is doing is wrong but cant seem to break free of her past trauma. I have set up counseling but she never goes more then a few times. I know I need to remove her from my life. I know she is not healthy and her actions are not good for me. I just don't know how to move on and rid myself of the deep love I have for her. Every time we are separate I miss her so much and can only think about what it takes to get her back. I want the spouse I married back but fear she is so far gone. How do I fall out of Love? How do I stop wanting to help her and start helping myself?
i know that this is gonna come off as harsh, but you have listed nothing good about your wife in your entire posting. lets keep score here: she's pretty openly and repeatedly unfaithful (with both men and women), physically abusive, emotionally unavailable, avoids intimacy w/ you, financially irresponsible, wildly disrespectful to you, has the maturity level of a 14 year old girl, will not go to counseling and overall pretty much treats you like dog apples. is that pretty much the long and short of it?

look, i don't buy for a second that all of this is because of her guyhood (although it probably didn't help). she is using that as an excuse. you are basically married to a selfish little girl who wants her cake and to eat it too. she gets to party and cheat on you while coming home to you whenever she wants to. does that seem fair to you?

it's time to get your power back. start planning your exit strategy. now, while i usually believe in hope in these situations...i think that it's most likely already over as there is way too much negativity and bitterness here to right the ship. also, she sounds like an addict that is unwilling to get help. you cannot love someone that lives something (notice that i did not say someone) more than you. i would start talking to some divorce lawyers on the D-L and you might also want to think about pursuing a personal protective order (which shouldn't be too hard if there are police reports for all of her past history of violence).

you might also want to consider counseling for yourself. you have been with two different women and the same thing happened...you have to start asking yourself "what signals am i sending out that are attracting these types of women". the answer might surprise you. i agree with the other guy too. if the tables were turned...i solidly believe that your wife would have been out the door ages ago.
Like???? love?????? hate????? improvise this scene??
Paris was a colossal monument to all things beautiful and magnificent. While New York seemed to function like a six year old on a sugar rush, Paris preferred to savor every moment, one baguette at a time.

It was all so incredibly charming. The open air cafes, the broad, tree lined boulevards, the majestic cathedrals, the vintage boutiques, but after awhile, Selisi was homesick for New York, with it's familiar sky scrapers and yellow cabs and the general hustle and bustle. Having not made much friends in the industry, Selisi spent most of her free time chain smoking at Café de Flore, reading translated French poetry and slinking around Collette in oversized Marni tops and ridiculously huge Gucci shades. It was pretty sad for a pretty girl to do that, which was why tonight, she had decided to do something memorable in the city of light.

The Marais district was famed for it's gay nightlife and Selisi had decided to check out Pink Friday, a very happening gay and lesbian club, where nearly nude female dancers gyrated seductively against poles and tottered precariously on lacquered table tops. Their transparent plastic outfits would've been futuristic and cool if it had been designed by Y-3, but as such it only channeled Euro trash. Not that the equally trashy crowd cared. They were to drunk and drugged and itching for some action.

Selisi ordered the house specialty, Sexy Dance Lovers, which was actually Smirnoff vodka with loads of rum and tangerine and some secret ingredient she didn't care to know. Her face puckered up when she took a sip, but soon afterwards, the tanginess proved to be the addictive kick and she found herself ordering another SDL and lighting up a fag stick. Paris was going to be the death of her, because whenever she tried to remember when she'd gotten addicted to smoking, it had been in Paris, where everyone seemed to be lighting up every split micro second.

Through the flame of her Marlboro, she noticed a noticed an Arab boy making goo goo eyes at her from across the room. He sent her a lecherous smile her way and before she could exhale a satisfying puff, he'd sidled up to her.

"Danz wiz me?" His mouth smelled like a public washroom.

How do you say piss off in 32 different languages? And wasn't he supposed to be gay since this was a strictly gay and lesbian club? Perhaps he was bi?

"I no speak English" She adopted what she hoped was a convincing East European accent.

"Oh me too"

She deliberately blew smoke rings in his direction before turning her attention to the dancers on the bar top. She had to admit she was mesmerized by their silky, liquidy moves, which made ballerinas look like clumsy stone blocks. There was one girl in particular who stood out from the rest. Besides being the only blonde among the brunettes, she somehow managed to carry the tacky looking outfit with class. Her eyes met Selisi's and she winked playfully. Selisi grinned and winked back.

"Can I buy you a drink?" Stinky Mouth gestured towards her almost empty highball glass. If she said yes, she'd at least be able to get rid of him, even if it was only for a few minutes, but then, she'd be obliged to him and that was the last thing she wanted. Besides it was getting late (her phone displayed 2:45 am) and she wanted to keep her wits around her to fend of creeps like him. Still…

"The Tantalizing G-Spot sounds nice"

Stinky Mouth grinned and sped off to get her drink. The dancers on stage were winding down and making way for the next set of dancers, who were probably going to be gyrating till 5 am, not that she wanted to stay to find out. She felt eyes on her as she got up to leave. The dancer who'd winked at her was starring intently, as if trying to place her from somewhere. She ignored the fierce blush creeping up her neck and swung herself out the door, feeling a little tipsy from her Dance Lovers cocktail. If anyone spotted her here, she'd be in hot water with the agency. They weren't supposed to be out after 11 and hanging out at gay bars was a major no no. It wasn't part of the image the agency wanted to project and if she got caught, her endorsement deals could go down the sewage system.

"Leaving zo zoon?" It was
Sounds good! Your punctuation is a little off, especially with dialogue, but it's intriguing.
Sailor Moon is NOT coming back!?
This is not a question...more of a statement for all you Sailor Moon lovers out there (I am one of them). Sailor Moon is not coming back. It was banned from being shown or even selling in the US. First reason: Many people (religious people mainly) found out that Uranus and Neptune were lesbians and were totally against that. Second Reason: Almost every senshi/scout goes naked at one point or another in the show. This is against the laws in the US. The reason being is that it implies that a minor (whether drawn or real) is nude. And this is completely not allowed. Due to the fact that they're TRYING to get rid of perverts (which will never happen). So stop sending emails/bulletins/blogs about it coming back cause it's NOT! If you want more Sailor Moon check out the japanese live action version called Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon (PGSM for short). It's NOT dubbed and they only made 50 episodes but I am addicted and I'm sure you'll like it too.
Actually, Sailor Moon Was Banned for reasons other then you think, as sad as that is -.-. However, a live action movie is apparently in production, though no confirmation has been stated, various celebrities claim to have a part in it, which I'm somewhat interested in o.o

The anime 5th season was banned from being dubbed for four reasons:

1. Like you said, Amara and Michelle are lesbians, and in the 5th season, they really show that, unlike in previous seasons where it coupld be explained with dubs, it couldn't anymore.
2. The final form Sailor Moon Enters when the other sailor scouts are all dead is ENTIRELY naked, again what you said, though the other scouts nakedness could easily be edited, sailor moons could not.
3. The deaths of the scouts. The 4 inner senshi all sacrifice themselves to protect Sailor moon and the starlights, and then Neptune and Uranus turn around and kill Pluto and Saturn, which friends killing friends is not something allowed on TV.
4. The Sailor Starlights are originally guys who transform into girls, which isn't allowed in a guy show, and there was NO way of covering that up, as they were shirtless in civilian form a few times -.-

For those interested in PGSM, go to Tvnihon.com and check out the bittorrent tracker, they have all the episodes SUBBED in english there :) You can also find all of the episodes on Youtube under PGSM - Act __ I think as well :)

EDIT: to the person below, E A C, the second is NOT abvoidable, as it's not the trainsformation, the ENTIRE time she's transformed she's naked, which is when the final battle takes place =P
I have a sun in libra, moon in cancer, venus in scorpio (in retrograde)..?
I have a sun in Libra (9th house), Capricorn rising, Moon in Cancer (6th house), and Venus in Scorpio in retrograde (10th house). I have come to understand how the constant need for diplomacy and balancing of being a Libra is constantly being challenged by the emotions of my cancer moon, and is in constant conflict, being that once the logic is in place, the emotion takes over and I become an emotional wreck, but I have learned to live with that. I am 38 years old, single, lesbian. I have had several long term relationships which I considered to be healthy relationships for the most part, but obviously ended due to differences which were not solvable. My question is helping me to understand the Venus in Scorpio. I think in my younger years my actions were much like those described for a Venus in Scorpio, and it did indeed scare many potential lovers away. I am wondering what Venus sign would be most compatible with my Venus in Scorpio and what are some ways to decrease the intensity I feel once I have committed to a relationship as not to scare my lovers away. I thought I was in a place where I'd resolved this, but my last relationship has brought the issues I have with lovers back to the surface, and I believe it is the Venus in Scorpio that is the cause.
I believe when a planet is retrograde in our birth chart, it causes us to reflect upon ourselves for solutions.

Venus Retrograde
* reconsiders before expressing love or affection
* relates awkwardly to others
* doubts the love others offer
* can become obsessed in relationships
* feels let down by the commitment level of others
Venus involves pleasure, love, romance, relaxation, aesthetics, peaceful feelings, harmony, money, and values. Venus tends to work by attraction. Approximately every eighteen months or so, Venus slips into retrograde for about six weeks. While Venus is retrograde, you are more likely to find your ability to attract what you want restricted or inhibited. You could find yourself much more concerned with achieving or maintaining external beauty, your flow of ready cash, questioning your ideas of pleasure, aesthetics, or even revaluating your feelings about romantic relationships.
Do you find yourself inhibited about seeking what you really want from your romantic partner? Does your ability to attract the money and attention you feel that you need seem to cause you problems? Is your natal Venus retrograde?

A natal Venus retrograde can cause you difficulty achieving fulfillment or finding your right romantic partner. You may be more in love with your ideas about love than you are with any real person you know. In karmic terms, you need to complete a life lesson about giving and receiving love and affection. You are here to determine what is truly of value to you and learn about creating a balance of give and take in your romantic life. Your romantic dialogue has a tendency to be far too internal at times, causing you to inhibit the flow of good things into your life. You will have to be willing to experience loving and being loved in order to attract what you desire into your life and create the feelings of security you need.
Would you let your guys watch Spongebob if....??
1. Spongebob and Patrick were lovers?
2. animal cruelty was any more obvious than it alread is (come on, an animal owning another animal)?
3. Spongebob was more of a cross dresser than he already is?
4. Squidward was either depressed or suicidal?
5. Mr. Krabs' love for money was clearly stated as an addiction?
6. Patrick suffered from dangerous over eating?
7. Patrick's stupid actions/remarks are a result of mental retardation?
8. Sandy was actually a butch lesbian?
9. Mr. Krabs was violating underwater labor laws (he sure the hell is breaking U.S. laws!)?
10. the Jellyfish were wild animals that came in hordes and mauled the characters (wait dont they already do that)?
11. Spongebob was arrested for all of the illegal things he does, including numerous breaking and entering and petty theft charges?
12. Lil' Wayne or Lil' Kim guess starred?

*10 pts to the answer i like best!*
1. Well they did live together briefly as husband and wife and raised a clam? scallop? what was that thing anyway?
2. This episode had been done too. Mr. Krabs has a machine that squeezes the jelly from the jelly fish.
3.He has done a lot of cross dressing. So has Patrick and Squidward but not as much.
4. I think Squidward IS depressed. He's always miserable.
5. I'm pretty sure its obvious that he has a problem and needs an intervention.
6. hello! Spongebob was trying to force feed him with a funnel. And he eats utensils and plates, cups, napkins, bowls..
7. His stupidity is the result of starfishes not having a brain. Seriously, look it up. One weird creature.
8. She isn't?.
9. Remember the episode where he forces poor spongebob to take a vacation because the labor board forces him?
10.yes they do! Quite often. too many episodes to pick just one incident.
11.i recall him being arrested once. For stealing a balloon.
12. God help us. I guess as long as lil Kim kept her clothes on and Lil Wayne didn't bring a gun.
If there are obviously more bisexual women than bisexual men,...?
,...which is going to unfortunately mean that women are going to spend more time kissing other women than men, as this would unfortunately leave more straight men without a woman than straight women without a man,
and yet,
if these bisexual women can't always be won over by the men trying to win them over,
then isn't it high time we either,
A) Encourage the women who ARE still straight and still prefer men exclusively, to start being more promiscuous where they sleep around with numerous straight men?
B) Encourage and overlook women cheating on their boyfriends and husbands more often so that those straight men who are missing out, GET sex with those women.
C) Legalize prostitution. It's simple. If there are less available straight women out there for men than vice versa, largely due to the much larger bisexual/lesbian activity than the bisexual/gay activity, this is going to create a shortage of available women.

And with an unfortunate shortage of available women who will prefer men instead of other women, such actions needs to be done.

I don't know about the rest of the world, but the bisexual/lesbian percentage of men in the US is unfortunately MUCH HIGHER than the bisexual/gay percentage of men in the US. And don't give me any of this "they still haven't come out of the closet yet" crap. MANY men are exclusively straight and would NEVER agree to any bisexual activity, however, this is not the case with women, sadly...

If there are 100 men and 100 women, and with there being more bisexual/lesbian women than bisexual/gay men(and yes, MOST MEN ARE EXCLUSIVELY STRAIGHT),
Probably about 96 of those men are going to prefery women.
whereas,
probably about 80 of those women are only going to prefer men.

Now, if ALL of those women who prefer men, get their man, and the man is straight, this is going to leave SIXTEEN straight men who are still horny and wishing they had those women to have sex with.
If those 20 other women who prefer women CAN'T be won over and made to want men instead, and those men refuse to switch to homosexuality, then the only way this problem is going to be solved other than commiting suicide, is one of those 3 solutions mentioned above,
A) Talk the straight women into be more "easy" or as some people call them, "sluts".
B) Have more women cheat on their male lovers so those single lonely men have those women to have a night of good sex with.
C) Legalize prostitution.

WHICH do you YOU would be the best choice out of those three?
If there are just too many women kissing and prefering each other, then this is going to be bad news for straight men, unless we resort to one, two, or all three of those above solutions.

Straight men need sex and sexual intimacy with women their type and are miserable if they go a long time without it, so such a need needs to be catered to. But since women aren't miserable without sexual relations with men as much, her desire for a man doesn't need to be catered to as much.
I read absolutely none of your question except for the headline.

With that said, there aren't more bi girls, it's just that people are more accepting about girls being queer than boys, so the boys that are bisexual just repress that part of them and date females only.
Is polyamory good for feminism?
One of the primary leaders of a feminist organization to which I belong has recently posted new information on what exactly our organization will stand for. One of her policies we were recently informed of is the advocation of polyamory as a feminist practice. This is one quote of hers that sums it up well:

"My true understanding of feminism came after ending my monogamous relationship of four years. At this time, I came to understand the connection between hetero-normative society, patriarchal oppression and monogamy as the contractual ownership of another person. Since then, I have been a passionate advocate of polyamory as a feminist practice."

I have often wondered, even before I ever joined this group if having a preference for exclusive relationships made me a traditionalist sympathizer, but I dismissed that on the grounds that it could easily be an evolutionary instinct, not culture, and it didn't necessarily include discrimination. For whatever reason, I feel more comfortable in exclusive relationships, although I would be open to polyamory if my gf wanted. (I am male, not lesbian.) I now wonder if that instinct is something that I have been socially conditioned to have, and if I must advocate against, or at least avoid, monogamous relationships.

In an exclusive relationship, with only two people, one can sometimes dominate the other, and often one will act to prevent others from trying to "steal" their partner. This mentality of guarding one's lover is nearly always a possessive mentality, which leads to other forms of objectification. This kind of action I have always been opposed to due to its objectifying nature, but I never made the connection until now between this and exclusive relationships in general. Polyamory stops this guarding, possibly the largest source of objectification of the less dominant person in the relationship, which, due to the nature of our patriarchal culture, is often the female.

It is important to note that I advocate for nothing, like polyamory, due to any personal preference. I may prefer monogamy, but the needs of the many overpower the needs of the few. Giving up the freedom of one to gain freedom for even two is a good trade. Feminism is a cause that seeks to free billions. I am only one person. For a cause that would liberate even two people, one persons freedom, happiness, etc. is expendable. In the name of a cause that frees so many, absolutely everything I have, including my life, is completely expendable. Compared to the freedom of billions, my preferences are worthless. Billions depend on everyone, including me, to put their needs and wants aside and do what is good for them.

I would like to know what others think. Is preferring exclusive relationships a product of social conditioning, does it make me a traditionalist sympathizer, and is advocating polyamory in the best interests of the cause?
I don't think monogamy vs non-monogamy is a feminist issue, but it has been popular to discuss in many social groups. I know it was popular to talk about in the lesbian community at different times, but heterosexual society has quite a few legal and religious constraints so it isn't discussed as much as an option.

I'm monogamous by choice, but I don't think it's a natural biological state like traditionalists like to believe about men and women. If you look at practically every species, few are monogamous, most indulge in at least periodic episodes of experimentation or only spend time with one mate for a season, not for a life-time. Monogamy is a strong social goal in many societies, but plenty of polygamy has existed and obviously, monogamy has been difficult for many ppl to follow for centuries. But even thinking about monogamy vs non-monogamy without blindly following what's expected doesn't sound traditional to me at all. Of course social conditioning affects all of us, but so do our family, community, education, work, and experiences in life.
My boyfriend knows exactly what to say to me to make me the angriest person ever?
I've been with my boyfriend for about a year now i love him i really do. when we're not fighting we're the happiest couple but he can turn from the happiest sweetest lover to this evil hurtful animal within a second. it usually happens over the littlest things like if i look at someone (guy or girl) he'll call me a ho or a lesbian. if i call his cousin looking for my boyfriend my boyfriend thinks im trying to sleep with his cousin. i havent done anything for him to think im that type of person. everything little thing i do is wrong in his eyes in my every action he tries to tell me my intentions for doing what i did , and they're never ever what im thinking ! it's always something filled with bad intentions . and i never act with bad intentions i have a good heart a pure mind. so when he tells me all these hurtful mean things about myself it frustrates me because i KNOW im not like that.so i snap , i lost it 2 times now i hit him a couple of times the first time and i walked away with a black eye and sore all over my head. the second time it was only one hit. and i got it right back to the jaw. i want all this madness to stop. i love him he's my best and only friend. i don't want to leave. how do i control myself. how do i make him stop treating me this way. help!
The relationship sounds toxic to me. I think that you should take a break, or get some counseling for each other if you want to make it work. Chances are, by the way it sounds, is if you take a break he is going to think you were sleeping with people during the break so i think you should get counseling.

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